Just what the doctor ordered
by Dilligrout
Summary: DISCONTINUED. YOU CAN READ BUT NOT MUCH POINT ;)
1. Hermione's Problem

Chapter 1

Hermione's problem

"I don't believe it! I go to Hogwarts, am nearing the end of my sixth year and have already done NEWT worthy magic, but I can't cure _this_!" grumbled Hermione Granger, glaring down at her battered finger. She had been visiting Hagrid earlier that day, and he had shown her his new 'delight' - an Occamy.

" _Really_ Hagrid? An _Occamy_?" she hissed under her breath. Hagrid had never quite understood why the Ministry had placed their classifications as they did. They were _four_ 'X's for Merlin's sake!

Occamy's are very territorial, and Hermione had gotten a little too close to it for comfort. Those wings were powerful. No spells Hermione knew were working. She shook her finger in frustration. That was a _big_ mistake, she reflected, tears welling up and she blinked them away.

"Well, there's only one thing for it; Pansy Parkinson's cave. Hurrah." she told herself, not without a little sarcasm at the end. Pansy had created this business where she would heal you for a price. More often than not, that price was not money, but having to deal with your crush. It was situated at Hogwarts, meaning it was easily accessible. Harry and Ron couldn't know though. They knew what the price was and would demand to know.

But Hermione had no choice. She didn't _want_ to visit Pansy, but the finger was swollen and becoming more painful by the minute. The main reason she didn't want to visit Pansy was because of her uncanny ability to realise who liked whom. And she was responsible for at least half of the matches made in Hogwarts. Ugh. Better get going, she decided. No matter whether she realises that you l-like D- _Draco_ or not, you are going. Relieved she could make up her mind despite her little crush, she packed her wand, a bottle of water and some chocolate. _What_ a bonus it was that chocolate had healing powers!


	2. Draco's Dilemma

A/N I don't know how you add new chapters properly. (This is my first fanfic give me a break!) If someone could help please review and tell me! I hope you like this story. Not compliant with HBP or DH. At all.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, it's owned by J. , but I wish I owned it :(. NO money is made by this.

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Chapter 2

Draco's problem

A sigh filled the Slytherin boys dormitory for the umpteenth time that day. It was a Saturday, meaning there were no lessons so Draco could lounge and think on his father's words.  
"Draco, you need to start thinking about getting a wife." intoned Lucius Malfoy imperiously, oblivious to Draco's smug expression. "I am aware of your age but as a pureblood, you must uphold the name and bring about an heir as soon as you can so that, if you should die suddenly, there will be someone to keep the name alive, ensuring it does not become extinct." How Draco would love to tell his father that he was already on the lookout! That he had queues of girls waiting to become his wife. But no, he must let his father think he was not capable, so that when he demanded Draco came up with someone he could casually remark  
"But of course Father. Which one would you find suitable?" Oh, to see his father's face!

"Draco darling! Why so sad?" Pansy Parkinson whirled into the room, correctly interpreting his expression. Of course, he was wondering what to do about his father's desire for his wife. Well, Pansy preened inwardly, it was obvious it would be her! She was everything Lucius needed. And Pansy Malfoy sounded nice.

"Oh, hi Pans. Just thinking about the wife situation." Draco grinned sheepishly. He knew what was coming.  
"Well then darling-"  
"Don't call me that."  
"Very well then _Draco_ , you must ask out the most suitable girl to the prom at the end of this month. I have no date yet, by the way..." hinted Pansy.

Merlin, this girl was not subtle! He had to think. Pansy would be just what his father wanted. No time like the present, Draco reflected.  
"Pansy. Will you go to he prom with me?" Draco inwardly grimaced. This would be a bad prom, Pansy wouldn't let him out of her sight. But to please his father it was necessary.  
"Why Draco! Of course! Now, I must go to my 'cave'. My customers await. Bye darling!" Pansy blew a kiss and swanned out of the room. This was perfect.


	3. Pansy's Cave

**A/N My third chapter! In my last A/N, I said I didn't know how to do chapters. Obviously I figured it out but it won't edit so...yeah. Enjoy!**

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Hermione was walking to Pansy's 'cave' and felt ridiculously nervous. She was just going to get her finger healed! And have her crush found out about, a snide voice in her head pointed out.  
"Oh, shut up" grumbled Hermione, not noticing the third year Hufflepuff's walking past and looking scared as she did. As her feet carried her towards the Room of Requirement (or, as Hermione called it, RoR for simplicity) she started to think of what Harry and Ron would say. Oh Merlin. What _would_ they say? They'd probably take her to St Mungo's she giggled. Or accuse Draco of brainwashing her. Or using Amortentia. No! It's _Malfoy_ , she chided herself mentally. The use of his first name would _definitely_ worry them.

A few minutes later she was at the RoR. Nervously, she walked back and forth three times and thought ' _I need to see Pansy's cave. I need to see Pansy's cave. I need to see Pansy's cave'._ As she opened her eyes she saw the entrance in all of its mystical (if a little cliched) glory.  
"Come in," called Pansy mysteriously "I won't bite"

Rolling her eyes, she stepped in.  
"Ah, Hermione, what can I do for you? Surely the Gryffindor Princess (I _can_ call you that, can't I? Thanks.) could heal herself...but never mind! Now, what do you need me to heal?"  
"Well, Pugly (I _can_ call you that, can't I? Thanks.) Hagrid brought me too close to an Occamy so...here." Hermione held out her finger, refusing to wince and not show weakness in front of a Slytherin. Pansy inspected the finger and laughed shrilly.  
"But of course Gryffindor Princess! Easy! Now, hold still and... _episkey totalus!"_ Hermione showed no emotion even though it felt like her bone was being turned into liquid then hardened in a pool of freezing water.  
"Oh, and Princess, my payment?"  
"Fine. What do you want to know Pugly?"  
"Who your crush is of course! And there is someone. I can tell. Don't lie!"

 _Should I tell her? Probably. Or she'll tell the whole school I fancy Filch. Ugh. Don't think that 'Mione, stay away from that image! Fine. Deep breath and...  
_ "MycrushisDracoMalfoyhe'ssofreakinghotIcan'thelpitpleasedon'ttellhimorHarryorRonoranyoneforthatmattercanIgonow?"

Pansy stared. This was incredible! The mudblood fancied _her_ boyfriend! _The_ Slytherin Prince! Amazing! What fun she could have - it wasn't like she herself liked Draco - oh no, a certain scarred Gryffindor with glasses and green eyes held her affections - but she merely went along with her parents wishes. And did a damned good job of pretending she liked him too! Even Draco was convinced! A mischievous smile grew on her lips. Oh, the possibilities! But...yes, that spell was perfect! Now to break the news.  
"Princess, I'm not sorry for what I'm about to do. You see, I'm a matchmaker as well! _Missa in dolore!"_

Hermione's eyes widened. _Pansy, what have you done?!_

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 **A/N yes I know! Hermione falls in love with Draco somehow cliche but...I think you can decide how! Personally I like the whole it just grows on her and she can't explain why reason but you choose!**

 **Please R &R (read and review people)!**


	4. The Slytherin Prince's Diary

**A/N My fourth chapter! Sorry for the long wait - summer holidays, getting ready for BTS ect. But here it is! Enjoy...**

 **Disclaimer: Why do you think I'm writing one? Would I if I were Rowling? No. So draw your own conclusions, there's good little readers! *Pats you on the head***

 **I have no beta please point any mistakes out. I don't think I made any though...**

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The Slytherin Prince's diary

Draco had a diary. This might have been a surprise to Pansy, had she not known about it for several years now. But she had never read it, much to her disappointment. Until fourth period on Monday where he had Potions but, seeing as she had given that up, she had nothing. It was perfect...

She crept up the stairs and held her wand out. Then of course, she remembered that Draco was Head Boy and no longer stayed in the boys dorms. When she had caught him there last he had gone there as he could talk with Blaise and just think. Everyone in Slytherin preferred the dungeons below the lake to anywhere else in the castle. Draco was no exception.

So she walked down the stairs with her wand away, knowing no one would question her as she was Queen Slytherin. It was undoubtable and she was untouchable. Unless the Savior was involved in which case she was a pile of swooning crushing mush. Embarrassing much? Very. But she merely liked the drama, as if she was a spy. She had a passion for that type of thing.

Reaching the Head Boy and Girl's shared accommodation, she listened for the sounds of anyone inside. _Drat Merlin!_ Hermione was there, scratching away on her parchment. Well, she would just have to do it. Fourth was nearly over.  
"Discombobulated!" _Why did Draco choose such weird passwords? The Princess obviously didn't, hers would've been 'Homework' or something._  
"Yes dearie. Go on but put a muffling charm on the door this time. I do not want to hear that again. And he's not there so you'll have to wait."  
"UGH! Me and Draco-"  
"Draco and I - basic grammar, honestly." Pansy gave the witch a glare  
"Fine then. _Draco and I_ \- happy now?" Nod from the painting "Draco and I are friends, our relationship is completely platonic, end of story. And I really just need the book he borrowed off me about Charms back! So _open!_ " The painting opened. An angry Pansy was terrifying no matter how old or who you were. And Pansy knew a lot of damaging spells.

"Oh, hi Princess! Just getting something Draco borrowed off me. Won't be long!"  
"Pugly, you'll never get your virginity back. He didn't loose his with you, you're nothing special. So shoo!" Pansy stared at the smaller, and (although she'd never admit it) infinitely hotter witch. She burst out laughing.  
"Ooh, she bites! I'm forever wounded! Save me!" she fell onto the sofa clutching her neck dramatically. "No, you silly Princess, I'm looking for my charms book. Draco borrowed it off me. I need it back."

Hermione narrowed her eyes.  
"Okay. Go on."  
" _Finally!"_ Pansy sighed. She went around the corner and dug into his mattress. There was a slit... _there. "Gotcha!"_

 _Now to read..._

"Bye! Oh, and Princess?" Hermione clenched her fists at the hated nickname then replied in an impressively normal voice  
"Yes Pugly? Hurry."  
"Did you figure it out? It was rather ingenious of me, don't you think? Such a clever spell - Latin, and ever so old. It's perfect! A few minor side effects, but never mind! I'll be off now - ta ta!" And she whirled out of the door before Hermione could even close her mouth from shock.

 _Draco, Draco. Your secrets are never safe..._

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 **A/N Yes I'm alive! Just under a month - I am soooooo sorry! *gives cookies to everyone***

 **Like it? I know Pansy is a bit too nice to 'Mione, but that's because she's helping her with her love life and she quite likes Hermione too. She's not the character you see in the books or movies, more the ones you see in the fanfics.**

 **R &R!**


	5. The Gryffindor Princess's

**A/N My fifth chapter! Can I pretty pretty please have some more reviews - I know some are following this story so please review even if it's just 'Nice' or 'It's okay'. Thank you! Plus I've had 692 views. And two reviews. From the same person, one pointing out that some chapters are the same, the other one telling me how to do chapters properly (thanks though. Big help and much appreciated *gives cookies*) So review as well!**

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The Gryffindor Princess's Realisation

Hermione was shocked. That was the be all and end all. For one, Pansy appeared to have _knowledge_ of something except fashion and Draco! Incredible! And for another...she knew a complicated spell that could - literally - ruin her life. The spell was _Missa in dolore,_ meaning 'Kiss in pain'. Which, according to the book Hermione used, meant that the 'minor side effects' were that she would ache all over (extremely badly apparently) until she kissed Draco. She shivered in delight. _No 'Mione!_ she scolded _don't think of that, no matter how dreamy or wonderful or appealing it might be...I bet he tastes of mint...spearmint and the coffee without sugar but with milk he has each morning without fail...and Hermione Malfoy sounds nice...real nice...and -_

"Miss Granger?" enquired the librarian softly. She hated every student except this one. She treated the books so well, was polite and the perfect student.

"Miss Granger I suggest you go to your room now. The library has closed and curfew is nearly here. Are you well? You look so...ah." she exhaled as she spotted the spell noted on the page.

"Unfortunately, that will wear off in two months. The pain gets worse the longer you leave it. No matter who or how embarrassing, I suggest you - ah - kiss the person you have - um - affections for as soon as you can. It will be better, I swear. I speak from experience" the wrinkled librarian whispered kindly, winking.

"Now! Off to your room, and remember" she called after her as she left "don't leave it too soon!"

In a daze the Head Girl stumbled back to her room. Draco was in the common room - mercifully asleep, otherwise she might've gone crazy with longing and done who-knows-what with him. She had to kiss him when she hurt! Because of that...that... _bitch._ Hermione wasn't used to swearing but felt now was the perfect time to do it, if there ever were any. _Ouch. Oh f***. The pain. This was bad. Very bad. Oh no. He's there...asleep...maybe I should do it...OUCH yes that's a good idea me, well done. Shut up. Merlin I'm arguing and being sarcastic with myself it's the pain I'll take his wand so he can't hex me. Three, two one - KISS!_

The prized princess of Gryffindor lent down and gently pressed her lips to the feared prince of Slytherin. Nothing. Desperately, she deepened the kiss. Just as Draco woke up.

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 **A/N Look! Another cliffie! Well done me. Now, I will update faster (I hope) if I get 3 reviews. Three iddly piddly reviews. It doesn't have to be much! Flames not appreciated. But they will be used to bake more chocolatey treats for all you good little readers who review. (You don't have to have an account to review! Just sayin'!) More would be liked! Also, please tell me whether you think my chapters should be longer. I think so but want to find out what you think. Byeeeeeee!**


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